“So, do you just like skirts?” It was the first day of the semester at my community college in the Chicago area. My female classmate and I were talking and getting to know each other when she posed this question. She must have found it odd that I showed up in a skirt rather than leggings like all the other girls. I don’t usually tell my story to people who are not really interested. Since we had only just met, I simply replied, “Yes.” She didn't seem convinced. Two weeks later she again asked me, “So are you just really girly and like skirts and dresses?” Again, I replied with a simple “Yes.” I still wasn’t sure if I should tell her the whole story. About a month later she asked again, “So why do you always wear skirts?” This was the third time she had asked me and she seemed genuinely curious so I decided to tell her. I was nervous since I had no idea how she would react or what she would think. Once I had finished, she paused then exclaimed, “Wow, that’s awesome! Don’t ever let anyone give you s**t about that!”
Here is the story of how I came to wear skirts and dresses exclusively.
I first want to make it clear that I came to this decision for myself and by myself. I was under no pressure to do so. No decision was ever expected of me by anyone. Growing up, no one in my acquaintance dressed by this standard. The women of my family used to always wear pants. Besides holiday apparel, I rarely owned a skirt or dress. My decision was unprecedented. After I came to this decision, my mother and sisters soon followed. Some of my close friends also have decided to join me. Because my sisters and some friends now all wear skirts, it shocks people to learn that we didn't always dress this way.
When I was about 12 years old, I was already physically mature. By the time I was 13, I was often mistaken for a college aged woman. It was around this time I started receiving more attention from guys. However, my male friends started to treat me poorly. I ceased to be treated as a person and became a thing. My opinions, whether on a topic of great importance or not, were not listened to or taken seriously. I was often brushed off. I also was the object of many lewd jokes and premature romantic advances which invaded my personal space. They visibly enjoyed my reactions like I was a plaything.
I knew a person should not be treated the way I was being treated. I asked them to stop. They would for a moment, apologize, then continue. This cycle repeated itself many times.
After months of frustration and even tears, I finally thought, “I can point my finger at guys for the rest of my life and say men are jerks… or maybe I can do something about it.”
I realized at a young age that how one dresses affects how people think about you and therefore how they will treat you. When entering into an important interview, a man wearing a nice suit presents himself a certain way in order to communicate a certain thing. He is communicating well before uttering a single word. As beings with a physical body, we receive through our body what others communicate with their body. When they speak with their mouth, we hear them with our ears. What they say through their body we see with our eyes. Body language isn't reduced to just an expression you are making with your face or gestures. Clothing is also a part of this.
I thought “Perhaps I am saying something I don’t know I am saying.” So I decided to try presenting myself differently by how I dressed. I started by wearing shirts with a higher neckline and stopped wearing short shorts. Once I did this my guy friends started treating me like a fellow “bro”. This was better because at least a bro is a person. I was frustrated because there couldn’t be only two extremes for a woman to be treated, a bro or a thing.
It was during this time that I had started watching the reality TV show by TLC, 19 Kids and Counting. The women in this family only wore skirts and dresses. I had never heard of this idea before. I remember chuckling, “Good for them, but I could never do that…” But the concept seemed to haunt me. After a while of experimenting with how I dressed, I hit a wall. At a certain point it seemed that no mater how much I “covered up” I was still only treated as a bro. I was wearing full length pants and long sleeved shirts in the middle of summer. Short of adding a ski mask and gloves, I could not cover any more. I decided to see if there was anything to the idea of wearing only skirts and dresses. I bought three skirts and was off.
For the next month, I would strategically choose if I would wear a skirt or pants that day and pay close attention to how people, especially guys, would treat me.
As a side note, I was not going for a shapeless look. I was also still practicing fashion trends. My own personal style was still on display only now it simply incorporated skirts. More often than not, people didn’t make the observation that I only wear skirts.
To ease myself into wearing skirts more, I started to wear them when attending church at my summer camp. Then at lunch I would change back into my shorts. A few days into camp I realized I enjoyed the skirts so much that I decided to keep them on the rest of the day. The skirt made me feel light hearted and beautiful. They were also surprisingly comfortable. My attitude changed. I remember thinking “This must be how princesses feel!”
My mood continued to become happier because I seldom noticed my bodily imperfections. I wouldn't notice them as I briefly walked past a mirror or a vaguely reflective window because less of my body was on display. This meant that I thought about them significantly less than before.
I was still friends with guys, but now I was treated differently when we hung out. They began to treat me like a sister that they cared for. I was no longer a “bro”, but a sister and friend. I remember a specific time, before I started wearing skirts, where I was struggling to carry a 10 foot rug out of a house to the car. It was complicated and awkward. I couldn't figure out an effective way to hold it. If I held it in the middle, the sides would teeter, thus throwing off my balance. I looked like I had never walked a day in my life. Even if I was able to reach the door, there was no way this tactic would get me through it and out to the car. I tried dragging it, but it was too long and heavy to move. While this was happening, a group of guy friends, ranging from 12-18 years old, were hanging out a few feet away, paying no attention to my struggles. They appeared to have no intention of helping me. I was so frustrated. Once I started wearing skirts and dresses, these same guys would jump up at any chance available to help me. Guys in general, not just my friends, became more masculine and self sacrificial. I was pleasantly surprised by how many more good boys and men I was meeting. It was like they were coming out of the woodwork! By wearing skirts and dresses, guys seemed encouraged. Guys would instantly make sure I was taken care of. For example, they would offer me their seat, make sure I got food first, and defended me in conversation. They were using their strength to make a gift of themselves, instead of to hurt and exploit.
I didn't realize how much guys used to stare at my crotch before when I wore pants, until I noticed how much more they were looking at my eyes when I wore skirts instead. This change was evident whether it was in conversation with a good guy friend or strangers as I walked by. Shortly after I started my experiment, I was walking through a large crowd after attending a concert and I was struck by how many guys were looking at my eyes. They would “check me out” with a quick glance and end with eye contact, holding it for a while. Before, “checking me out” would include multiple glances at my crotch or butt as they passed and almost no eye contact. I had become so accustomed to this that I thought nothing of it. This sudden increase in eye contact, once noticed, convicted me. I decided to go all in. I’ve been wearing skirts and dresses ever since.
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